Life Update | Anxiety, Depression, & Student Teaching

life update

life update

It’s been awhile since I’ve just sat down and talked to you guys so I thought I’d do a little life update in the midst of all our regularly scheduled programming. So, as most of you know, my major is basically everything to me this past Friday, I had my first day of student teaching. This brought a whirlwind of emotions into my head. Although the day went well and I truly feel that I am going to enjoy this placement as well as my others later in the semester, I am still doubting myself in so many ways. I am a long-time sufferer of anxiety and depression. I have been battling my mental health for as long as I can remember. There have been days that I hardly check my phone and I just sleep the day away because I am so mentally exhausted.

My job is a very socially interactive deal and it takes a lot out of me every shift in order to stay happy, smiling, and provide, in relation to my opinions, the best customer service. It’s weird to actually say to someone, but I really am a very positive and generally happy person. When my anxiety and depression subside, I feel like my best self. I can talk to people all day, I am so confident in my abilities, and I feel like others see my true self. Here lately, those days have been few and far between.

I don’t know if it’s the things that are lingering in my mind or just an overall emotional breakdown, but I am just having a hard time pushing myself to get out of bed every morning. I constantly feel like someone is judging me, talking badly about me, or just trying to hurt me, when I know this isn’t the case. It’s even harder to deal with because these were all things that I confided to my mom about. If you have been around for awhile, you know my mom passed away last September and we are coming up on the one year mark. I honestly think this has the majority to do with my issues here lately.

Although I have some extremely supportive figures in my life, one in particular, that are always there for me whenever I need someone to talk to, I am constantly feeling as though I am a burden. In the back of my mind, I know that this is not true. I know that I am worth more than I think. I know that people care about me. I know that I have people I can talk to, but I still have problems battling that inner voice that tells me, “No, you’re not good enough. No one cares that you’re depressed. No one wants to hear your complaining. No. One. Cares.

In regards to student teaching, I am hoping that, over time, I will have enough confidence in my placements to work past these mental health battles that I am having. The classroom has always been where I am the happiest and where I feel that I shine the most. I love my career choice and wouldn’t change my path for anything in the world, but having my mind makes some days more difficult than others. It is times like these when I go to positive blog posts, quotes, and try my best (sometimes unsuccessfully) to reach out to those who I know will be there.

Here’s a quote that really speaks to me:

She was powerful, not because she wasn’t scared, but because she went on so strongly, despite the fear. – Atticus

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July Goals

july goals

Goals always help me get organized for the month ahead so what better way to dance into the month of July than a goals post. These are all things that I really need to do because it’s crunch time for me. This is my last month of summer “break” and I am going straight into schools and student teaching within the first two weeks of August. So much to do and so little time!

july goals

July Goals

  • Get organized for student teaching next month (!!!): As many of you know, I am a special education/elementary major and I am starting my final semester in school, the “internship” or student teaching on August 11th! I am so excited and I cannot wait to move forward with this journey. It has taken a lot and so much time and effort for me to make it here. I just wanna say a huge thank you to all my family, friends, and you guys for always supporting me.
  • Start using my planner again: I usually slack a lot with my planner during the summer because I don’t have a lot going on but then I feel like I still forget things and I really need to start planning better so these types of things don’t happen. I am so pumped as well because I got a Teacher Planner from Erin Condren on sale when they were having either 30% or 40% off. It wasn’t too expensive and I got some cute accessories to go with it as well. I will do a whole post dedicated to that soon!
  • Stay focused on blogging: I always seem to fall off as a new semester starts with blogging and I cannot and will not allow myself to do that this time. I know I always say this but I get so down and disappointed with myself whenever things get too busy for me and I forget about LOK. This place has helped me in so many ways and I truly enjoy getting to write so often.
  • Start my YouTube channel (finally)…?: I really want to know y’all’s opinion on this as it has been something I have wanted to do for a looong time but never done. I get so nervous behind the camera and I truly hate the way I look when I talk in videos… but I have so much makeup and so much love for blogging and I think YouTube is like the next step for me! Plus it would make doing reviews, makeup looks, and tutorials so much easier to follow and create.

july goals

That’s about it for my goals! I’ve got a lot going on these next few weeks so I don’t want to overwhelm myself too much but setting goals is always an awesome way to keep me motivated and plus I love reading other bloggers’ goals so I figure somebody else probably enjoys reading them here.

xo Kimberly Signature

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Do my tattoos make me a bad teacher?

new tattoo

I’ve had something on my mind lately that was triggered by getting a new tattoo! Yes, I got some new ink to go with my other four. Every time I think about getting a tattoo, I have to think about my career. If you guys didn’t know, my major is special education with an emphasis in elementary. This means that I have to be very particular with where I get my tattoos, just in case. Although none of mine are offensive, most are related to family actually, I have to worry about this in my workplace.

new tattoo

I have never understood the idea that having tattoos somehow makes you unprofessional or unable to do your job. I like to think that I am a pretty good teacher. I have gotten excellent grades in all my courses, praised by my professors, and given awesome feedback from master teachers who have observed me. I honestly feel that I will be an asset to whatever school I start working at upon graduation… but do my tattoos make me a bad teacher?

Does this mean that I cannot connect with my students? Do they keep me from being able to teach my kids how to spell a word or complete a math problem? Do they stop me from understanding their problems? Do they keep me from being active in their lives, in the classroom and in school activities? Does having them keep me from being on level with their parents and communicating well? No… I don’t think so. I think I can do all of these things while having five or even twenty tattoos. Yes, I agree that they need to be respectful and acceptable for students to see, if they are visible when wearing clothing, but I do not think that that we should have to work to cover the art that we put on our bodies.

I am proud of my tattoos. They all have meaning and they all mean something to me. I do not think that this problem only happens in the area of education, but I do think that it seems to be a more persistent problem in this field, due to being around children who watch and follow our every move (even in high school).

So, let me ask you… do my tattoos make me a bad teacher?

xo Kimberly Signature

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Blogmas Day 19 | Recent Pins: Dec. 19th

recent pins dec 19th

Even though it’s after midnight (yes, I’ve been writing this for awhile), I’m still making this my 19th day of Blogmas. But ayyy, back at it again with the Recent Pins posts. I really just love getting to review my pins and it makes me go back and actually use them as well as get more active on Pinterest than I normally would be (even though it’s one of my favorite social media outlets). I’ve got another look at my recent pins on Pinterest. Be sure to leave your favorite recent pins below for me to check out!

Bullet Journal 2k15

From littlestudiousflower; pinned to Bullet Journaling board

30 Inspiring Smile Quotes

From Quotes Words Sayings; pinned into Positive Vibes board

The Groovy Teacher

From Twitter; pinned into Future Teacher board

DIY Navy Blue Eye Makeup

From lovethispic.com; pinned into Makeup Hoarder board

20 Printables That Will Help Organize Everything

From theorganizedchick.com; pinned into Organization board

Monthly Cleaning Tasks

From instagram.com; pinned into Cleaning board

A Full Face of Makeup Dupes – Half High End, Half Drugstore

From Meg O. on the Go; pinned into Makeup Hoarder

7 Rules for Life

From timdiy.com; pinned into Positive Vibes board

Free Holiday Fonts

From Bloglovin’; pinned into Christmas board

My Ride or Die Makeup Kit: Makeup That Will Never Let You Down

From Ashley Brooke Nicolas; pinned into Makeup Hoarder board

xo Kimberly SignatureTwitter | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest | Tumblr

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