Surviving the holidays without a loved one

surviving the holidays

The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time. Everyone is supposed to smile and laugh. We’re supposed to go see light displays and watch Christmas movies. We’re supposed to spend time with our families and loved ones… but, not everyone gets that choice. I, myself, have hated the holidays since my mom passed away last year. It has been something I’ve dreaded so much that I volunteer to work on those days. I don’t want to come to terms with the fact that my best friend will not be there.

surviving the holidays

Making it through these times can be hard when you don’t have that one person you always looked forward to spending it with, but it’s not impossible. I’m here to share some ways that I’ve tried to cope with celebrating the holidays without a loved one.

#1 It’s okay to take some time for yourself.

Everyone thinks that the best way to combat feeling lost without someone is to be around those who love you. Although I agree that this can help, it isn’t always what you need or want at the time. Remember that it’s okay to want to be alone every once in awhile. I wouldn’t say isolate yourself, but take the time you need to work past those lost feelings.

#2 Talk to someone you trust or write it out.

The best way for me to get my feelings out is to talk to someone. Alternatively, I also like writing about my feelings because it allows me to get it out without feeling as though I’m “burdening” someone with my problems (though, most of the time, those that truly care will never think this). Just let it all out. Whether it be through talking or writing, you need a way to escape those feelings.

#3 Surround yourself with positivity.

The last thing you want to do is allow yourself to be consumed by negativity. Your day-to-day life should always have a positive vibe, but it needs to be even more so prevalent during these hard times. I struggle everyday with creating the most positive vibe I can, but I strive to make it a priority during the holidays.

These tips may not seem like much, but they are what help me during these difficult times. You should never have to feel like you are alone. Whether it’s talking to an internet friend, writing in a diary, or taking some me-time, you always need create the best possible environment during “the most wonderful time of the year”. Remember, the loved one you are missing would never want you to feel this way. Push through, make it positive, and celebrate life. ❤️

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Lost Without You

lost

I’m so lost without you.

lost

This is exactly how I am feeling. It’s been eight months, two weeks, and one day since I last saw you. This emotional rollercoaster of mine is about to derail. I just keep seeing her beautiful face and remembering her comforting voice. It feels so good and so terrifying all at the same time, like the adrenaline you get from going up on that rollercoaster.

After one month, I didn’t know if I’d ever be okay. My world was spiraling and I still tried to pick up my phone to text and call her whenever I needed her. My family would ask if I was okay and I’d just give a fake smile and say, “I’m trying to be.” I can’t express how hard it is to feel this distant from those that I love the move.

After three months, it was her birthday. It was the Christmas celebration without her. It was starting a new year soon, knowing that I would never get to wish her a Happy New Year ever again. I could only hope she was three margaritas deep in afterlife paradise and telling me to, “Smile, baby girl.”

After six months, I felt like maybe it would get easier. I was still depressed and worried and crying a lot, but I didn’t wake up every morning feeling as though it was a bad dream. Realizing it wasn’t just a dream was probably the worst way to deal with the pain. I wanted to forget. I wanted to heal. I wanted her to come back and be by my side. We all know that isn’t possible.

Now, heading towards the ninth month, I don’t know that I feel any better. I feel weak. I feel like I can’t control my own emotions. I never had a handle on them but now it’s just out of control. I try to wake up from this nightmare and I keep getting reminded that it is reality. This is my reality. Without her.

I don’t know that I’ll ever be okay again. They say that there is sacredness in tears. I don’t know how to feel about this. Crying has always made me feel weak, but it’s supposed to make me strong. My tears are supposed to speak, but I hear no words. Tears show that there was once happiness, but I have to wonder… will I ever find that happiness again?

xo Kimberly Signature

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