Life Update | Anxiety, Depression, & Student Teaching

life update

life update

It’s been awhile since I’ve just sat down and talked to you guys so I thought I’d do a little life update in the midst of all our regularly scheduled programming. So, as most of you know, my major is basically everything to me this past Friday, I had my first day of student teaching. This brought a whirlwind of emotions into my head. Although the day went well and I truly feel that I am going to enjoy this placement as well as my others later in the semester, I am still doubting myself in so many ways. I am a long-time sufferer of anxiety and depression. I have been battling my mental health for as long as I can remember. There have been days that I hardly check my phone and I just sleep the day away because I am so mentally exhausted.

My job is a very socially interactive deal and it takes a lot out of me every shift in order to stay happy, smiling, and provide, in relation to my opinions, the best customer service. It’s weird to actually say to someone, but I really am a very positive and generally happy person. When my anxiety and depression subside, I feel like my best self. I can talk to people all day, I am so confident in my abilities, and I feel like others see my true self. Here lately, those days have been few and far between.

I don’t know if it’s the things that are lingering in my mind or just an overall emotional breakdown, but I am just having a hard time pushing myself to get out of bed every morning. I constantly feel like someone is judging me, talking badly about me, or just trying to hurt me, when I know this isn’t the case. It’s even harder to deal with because these were all things that I confided to my mom about. If you have been around for awhile, you know my mom passed away last September and we are coming up on the one year mark. I honestly think this has the majority to do with my issues here lately.

Although I have some extremely supportive figures in my life, one in particular, that are always there for me whenever I need someone to talk to, I am constantly feeling as though I am a burden. In the back of my mind, I know that this is not true. I know that I am worth more than I think. I know that people care about me. I know that I have people I can talk to, but I still have problems battling that inner voice that tells me, “No, you’re not good enough. No one cares that you’re depressed. No one wants to hear your complaining. No. One. Cares.

In regards to student teaching, I am hoping that, over time, I will have enough confidence in my placements to work past these mental health battles that I am having. The classroom has always been where I am the happiest and where I feel that I shine the most. I love my career choice and wouldn’t change my path for anything in the world, but having my mind makes some days more difficult than others. It is times like these when I go to positive blog posts, quotes, and try my best (sometimes unsuccessfully) to reach out to those who I know will be there.

Here’s a quote that really speaks to me:

She was powerful, not because she wasn’t scared, but because she went on so strongly, despite the fear. – Atticus

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Tea Time Chit-Chat #3

tea time chit chat

tea time chit chat

Tea time chit chat did not get forgotten! I have had some crazy changes going on and life, in general, has decided to field goal hit me right in the face. However, through the negatives, I have finally found another job that I feel like will really work with my upcoming student teaching. I am super excited to be leaving the fast food life behind and moving into something with more opportunities and better pay (’cause we all know that this is real nice).

I think this is probably the first cup of tea I’ve had since I moved into my new apartment (apartment tour post???). I have so much to do still and the amount of pain that has taken over my body here lately has not agreed with this whole “moving” process. Apparently cleaning, organizing, unpacking, and moving in ways I don’t normally move is not the best thing to just throw yourself into… who knew? Thankfully, I have awesome friends and family that have been helping me through it.

Most of what feels like emptiness is just where I really need to get my pictures, canvases, and overall decor back up. It makes my apartment a little more… me. I have been having this weird empty feeling here lately that doesn’t quite meet depression but not quite something else. I just feel like something is missing and I really need to take a few mental health days to myself to recuperate before my seminars begin in August.

Other than life having a dance party on my head, I think I am making it just fine. I’m alive, my bills are paid, and those I love are taken care of. I honestly just wanted to come and talk to you guys… getting it all out seems to make me feel better (although I may be slightly insane for thinking you guys actually listen).

Everyone has little bumps in the road, it’s up to you whether you suffer in silence or enjoy the ride.

xo Kimberly Signature

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New Home, New Start

my cat Lily

I’ve got some news for you all! I am now moving into a one-bedroom apartment, on my own. I have never completely alone before so this is going to be a new adventure for me. I am super excited to finally just have a place to myself to do what I’d like but also very nervous. The only reason I’ve always had a roommate is that I get a lot of anxiety being alone in “unprotected” places, I guess you would call it. Since we don’t have security or anything other than the lock on my door for my apartment, it’s weird being here alone. It’s kind of nerve-wracking.

moving out

However, I think I can do it! The plan is to move over on June 30th (yes, only a little over 13 days away). I have not even begun packing and I’m not even sure of where to start. I need to get boxes, organize stuff, get rid of things I don’t use, and clean my place. A friend of mine is actually taking over my two-bedroom, which is why I was able to get the one-bedroom. Being without a roommate, it was nonsense to have a two-bedroom just for me. I will now have my only little corner and it won’t be too incredibly expensive.

my cat Lily

Thankfully my brother, nephew, and one of my brother’s friends are going to help me move everything over once the day comes. It’s so hot here in Kentucky so I am really hoping for a cool day whenever we have to do all of that (probably not going to happen). I am very grateful that this is happening a month before student teaching because I don’t think I’d be able to do that and this at the same time. Any of you got big things going on soon? Moving? Got a new pet? New job? Update me in the comments!

xo Kimberly Signature

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Chit Chat | Semester in Progress

Heeeeello everyone! I can’t believe it has been so long since I’ve gotten to sit down and blog. I miss you all so much. I hate that I get so busy during the semesters but such is life – you gotta do what you gotta do! Plus, adding being in a sorority to my plate really didn’t help my already busy schedule.

Let me just give you a little peep into what a week in the “Life of Kimberly” REALLY looks like:

  • Monday: Classes from 8:30am-2:45pm with a 40-minute break for lunch from 12:20pm-1pm, SCEC meetings will be held on this day (previously had them on Fridays but our info meeting was on a Monday)
  • Tuesday: Class from 9:30am-10:45am then a loooong break until 5pm where I have a night class from 5pm-8pm; during my break I normally do homework or I have things that I have to do (e.g. I went to an education abroad workshop this past Tuesday during my break and I’ve also had meetings with friends/peers during that time when I can fit it in)
  • Wednesday: Classes from 8:30am-2:45pm again with that same break but I may or may not work a closing shift that night (normally like 4pm or 5pm to close, which is 11pm but I won’t normally leave until almost midnight); any break I get in between, or if I don’t work, will be used for homework, cleaning the apartment, running errands, etc.
  • Thursday: Class from 9:30am-10:45am then I have tons of meetings to catch up on; this Thursday I have an advising session for study abroad (though I may skip this as I think the workshop helped me with all that I need), a phone interview with an organization that I’ll be a Peer Buddy for, a date with a sister, then dinner with my best friend
  • Friday: Always work pretty much ALL weekend because I can’t normally work during the week (aka Monday-Thursday) and I try to work at least three days a week as much as possible; I don’t have classes on Fridays but I have job coaching for a mentor program from 2pm-3:30pm and then normally a closing shift from 4pm or 5pm to close. This week I also have an event for an organization from 12:30pm-2pm right before my job coaching
  • Saturday: Usually work like 11-8 or 12-9 on this day so I wake up at like 10am-10:30am, get ready for work, and head there; once I’m off, I’ll usually clean up my apartment some and work on homework (or just pass out because I’m exhausted)
  • Sunday: I can only work an opening shift on this day, which is normally 7:30-3:30, because I have meetings for my sorority every Sunday at 5pm and I have to go to them; these meetings can last any length of time and I have a “new member” type meeting shortly after our official meeting each Sunday; once I get done with all this, I’ll normally get any homework that HAS to be done by Monday finished then crash because I’ll have class at 8:30am the next morning (although now most of our classes will be “online” for the rest of the semester so I get a bit of a break from this – YAY!)

Within all of this, I have random events that happen on different nights for my sorority, different meetings/events for my other organizations, priorities that I have to complete tasks for in my officer positions, and so on… it’s really been running me into the ground here lately. I haven’t had ANY time to myself until now… and it’s 11:51pm.

HOWEVER, although stressful, this semester seems to be going well so far. All the grades I’ve gotten already have been 100s and I couldn’t be more pleased as I don’t know how I’m even surviving at this point (basically on coffee and concealer – maybe that should have been my blog’s name). I really am enjoying being a member of the Greek community and a sister of Alpha Delta Pi. I’ve been buying waaay too many t-shirts to prove it! I’m super proud to have letters that I can call home and I love sharing it. My other organizations seem to be having a lot going on too, which I’m always excited about. Part of me loves when my planner is chalked full of fun things to do and the other part dreads looking at what I’ve got going on each and every day. Thankfully, I AM organized with my planner so it saves my life on a day-to-day basis.

Honestly, I really just wanted to get on here and talk to you guys. You know it’s one of my favorite things to do and I can never stop talking most of the time… heh. (Looking at my current word count of 798… oops.) So, on that note, I’m going to finish this off with a motivational quote to keep you all moving (and myself because, let’s face it, I’m basically dead right now).

Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can do what others can’t.” – Jerry Rice

Love & positive vibes always.

xo Kimberly Signature

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Any link marked with * is an affiliate link. Photo credit to an amazing ADPi sister of mine.

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Compliments at Work

SURPRISE POST ALERT!

The title is just an attention getter. Honestly, I just wanted to talk to you guys! I miss having my chit-chats where I just share what’s going on with my life, how I’m feeling, and so on – however, I have been getting a lot of compliments at work lately and I can’t say I’m the least bit bothered by it. I really feel like I’m finally starting to get the hang of all the different things my job does. There’s only one position I haven’t tried and I’m working on getting a chance at that! Once I have that down, I will have learned every single position at my job.

Classes start on August 16th for me so I am trying to get back into my school mode. I’m probably going to start setting up all of my binders and notebooks, organizing my planner, and so on. I also did something really exciting that will happen before classes start… I signed up for Fall Sorority Recruitment! I am beyond nervous yet stoked to finally get to try this out. I have always wanted to give it a go, and even did Spring Recruitment at one point, but the focus of that is to try to get into a specific sorority that you really loved or to go for one that you didn’t get in the fall that you wanted. You don’t really get to try for each sorority like you do in the fall, which is why I am finally doing it! I really can’t wait to meet all of the wonderful women and see how things go. I even had to take off for August 10th through the 14th because all of my co-workers and friends that are in sororities say it’s a 9am-9pm type of event week! Apparently, that means I’ll be busy as all get out and I know I won’t be able to work my normal shifts.

Overall, life has been really wonderful here lately. My boyfriend, Travis, got the O-K to move in with me from my landlord so he is officially living with me and it’s now our apartment. This is sooo exciting for me as well because he was practically here 24/7 anyways and I love the idea of him officially living with me. ❤️

Honestly, I can’t complain. I really hope you all have been doing wonderful as well. Let me know how life if going for you in the comments below.

Until next time! x

xo Kimberly SignatureTwitter | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest | Tumblr

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When life hands you sour lemons…

“When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.”

But, what if those lemons are sour…?

Many of you know me but don’t know this blog. Let’s start from the beginning,  shall we?

Hello, my name is Kimberly. This is my blog. You may remember a blog called Blogs for Days. That was my blog, too. See… life decided to hit me in the head and knock me out. Those sour lemons I mentioned? Yeah, they were fatal. Long story short… I lost my blog – over 100 posts, tons of comments, and many followers are gone. I was able to edit all of my social media so I could maintain the followers on those accounts but I am no longer using Blogs for Days. This is now my primary and permanent blog.

There is no chance of me getting the information from my previous blog back as it is partly my fault for what happened – even though I didn’t know it would delete all traces of BFD when I did what I did. However, I can’t change the past and I can’t fix what happened. I have talked with tech support for hours today and I think this new start is the best way to go.

On the bright side – yes, there’s a bright side – I am now 100%, completely, and totally self-hosted through Bluehost*. I own my blog! I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to be able to say that. I have a pretty, new theme which I am working on completely customizing and I plan to get a header from Jemma at Dorkface to enhance it even more! I am extremely excited for this process and I cannot wait to get everything in order, the way my OCD likes it to be. :’)

If you haven’t already, feel free to check out my social media links in the sidebar or below! I hope you all follow me on this journey. Feel free to subscribe via email to my new and improved blog – as I hope you all will do.

new blog pinterest image

 

xo Kimberly Signature

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